D&D Idea: Oh Christmas Treant

November 29, 2012

Now, all the hobbits in Hobbitville liked Yuletide a lot;
But the druid who lived just north of Hobbitville did not.

He cursed the fool halflings and the whole stupid season;
And if anyone asked, he’d tell them the reasons:

“Every year,” spoke the druid, “they come into my groves,”
“They cut down my trees and they take them in droves.”
“And into dark little burrow rooms all the tress go;”
“And they take all my holly and all of my mistletoe.”

“The trees get dressed up, all gaudy and bright;”
“And covered in baubles and bright candle lights.”
“Candle lights, what a sick, sick, sick whim!”
“‘Cause fire scares trees right out of their skin.”

“But that’s not the worst, no, not even close;”
“I’ll tell you which part’s the one I hate the most.”
“The little fat hobbits with their hairy bare feet;”
“They come into my woods looking for meat.”

“They kill all the pheasants, they kill all the boars,”
“And all of the rabbits and deers by the scores.”
“Then they gorge and they gorge, till they can’t gorge no more.”
“Then they pass out on couches and they snort and they snore!”
“In the shade of dead trees, their burps reeking of death;
“Without care, without shame; thinking Yuletide’s the best.”

So the grumpy-grump druid, he hated the Yule;
He wanted revenge on those fat little fools.

And so it went year after year after year;
Until one fateful Yuletide, he had an idea…

“Oh Christmas Treant” is a holiday-themed adventure in which a druid, tired of Yuletide celebrations that have lost respect for the natural world in favor bright, crass celebration and overindulgence, calls upon the primal spirits to animate the Yuletide trees in the local hobbit village to ruin the celebration and teach them respect.

The ideal solution is for the PCs to help the druid and the hobbits celebrate with moderation and remember the true spirit of Yuletide; that it is about looking forward to the renewal of life in the world and the oncoming spring, and a time to remember what a beautiful, natural world we live in.

The sappy-sweet saccharine ending should include the hobbits decorating the trees in the forest (without using any fire), thanking the Primal Spirits for their protection with gifts of sweet cakes and wine, and enjoying a modest meal with respect for the world around them. And in the end, the druid himself carves the owlbeast.


9 Responses to D&D Idea: Oh Christmas Treant

  1. Jerry "Dread Gazebo" LeNeave on November 29, 2012 at 12:11 pm

    This is so awesome it hurts, thanks for posting this!

    • TheAngryDM on November 29, 2012 at 12:32 pm

      Thanks, Jerry. I’m sorry I caused you physical pain, though.

  2. [...] check out this awesome campaign idea by The Angry DM, entitled Oh Christmas Treant. When a druid gets sick of secularized and gaudy observances of Yule, nature lashes out. There is [...]

  3. @CloudOfDaggers on December 3, 2012 at 10:27 pm

    I have a buddy coming home from college for the holidays who wants to play some D&D while he’s here. I’m totally stealing this idea. Thanks, Angry.

    • The Angry DM on December 3, 2012 at 10:36 pm

      Tell your buddy The Angry DM says Merry F$&%ing Christmas. ;-)

      • @CloudOfDaggers on December 3, 2012 at 10:40 pm

        I will.. Right after the inevitable ‘tree’-PK.
        Har har.

        • The Angry DM on December 3, 2012 at 11:02 pm

          That pun is unforgivable. Get off my site. Forever.

  4. Brandon Vipperman on August 1, 2013 at 6:49 pm

    I love this, though I’ll have to wait till the holidays to test it that will give me plenty of time to rustle up some more of those rhymes to go along with it. I am thinking the whole thing when narrated should be in Suess-esque rhymes. If you have any suggestions for that. It would be appreciated, Thanks again for this.

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